i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
