She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
