fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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