i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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