i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
