I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
