My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
