what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
