If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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