i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
