i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
