somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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