He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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