YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
