It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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