we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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