My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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