dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
