i may or may not be watching the land before time
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
