got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
