Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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