Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
