They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
