I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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