Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nicole vs. Life
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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