Who did Billy Mays play for?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize