Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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