i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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