Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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