I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize