I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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