I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
