I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I deserve this hangover.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
