Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
