Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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