Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
