oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Where is the hickey?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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