The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
