i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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