Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
