The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
