make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
