everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
