Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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