I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
