This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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