Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
