I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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