i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
