If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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