Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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