Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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