he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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