You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
