I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sex in the backyard? Check.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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