Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
