I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
