Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
