Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sext me about skeletons
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
