508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He? As in you personified your dick?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
