Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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