if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
