I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
