Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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