hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
