I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
