when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
