I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
