Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
