can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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