In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
